I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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