Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
