worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
