I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
