drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
