I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
