i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize