you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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