she looked like the bat from fern gully.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
