he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
