Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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