I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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