my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize