cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
