so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just invented taco cereal.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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