you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
