I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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