arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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