I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
