Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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