I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
