Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
