I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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