One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
