i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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