Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
