So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
