My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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