Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
