I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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