i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm getting married
To pizza
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
