he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize