I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
