I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
