Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
