He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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