we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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