Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
