she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
