How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
