dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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