Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
