dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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