what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
