I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
