sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
