D3 body, D1 cock
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
