I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
