his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
