A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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