Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize