I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
