ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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