I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
