I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize