Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
