Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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