How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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