I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
