Why are handjobs necessary in class?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A bitchslap is in order.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
