I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
