we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
