whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
