i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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