Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I need to stop coming to work sober
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize