if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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