I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He passed out mid-signature
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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