It's like God shit irony all over that family
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
