It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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