If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
