38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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