we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
